guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
