I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
