He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
