he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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