Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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