The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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