Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize