pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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