we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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