dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
whose ass print is on the piano?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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