covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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