Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
