She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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