I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
