Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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