I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
