I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
