Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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