Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
