If i come over, it means nothing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
