Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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