her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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