Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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