Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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