1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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