I wish I could punch you in the face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Are we still banned from the library?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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