You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
