Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
