Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
