come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
