so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
