Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm too high and old for this...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
