she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
