Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
