Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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