everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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