mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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