Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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