i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My cat gives me a boner
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
