so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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