Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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