I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
