I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
