She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
