i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
