its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
