It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to stop coming to work sober
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
