Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
