Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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