God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
