Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
