is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize