I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
