There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
