So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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