i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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