What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
