loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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