i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize