New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
