You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are all done wearing pants today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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