If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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