I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
