Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize