my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
