were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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