as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
