Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sarcasm needs its own font
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
