I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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