I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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