I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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